“If I tried to give up bread, I’d spaz out, have a nervous breakdown, run away, and be found five weeks later curled up under a bush somewhere (a la runaway Samedi), the ground around me littered with Wonderbread bags and those plastic things that hold the bags closed. No joke.”
Seriously, don’t take away my bread. You can make it light, with 45 calories a slice and tasting slightly better than cardboard, you can make my bagels thin, you can do whatever you want except take it away entirely. Then there will be blood.