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Category Archives: Confessions

Post-Boot Camp Workouts

First, let me say that I genuinely love my ankles. I was going to take a picture of them, but they didn’t look as good on film as they do in real life. So that’s out. Instead, I give you a photo is Sarah Robles, who is a BAMF weightlifter who represented the USA in London 2012.

 

 

For those of you who say weightlifting isn’t a sport…uh, you try to lift that much weight then. Put up or shut up.

Being a strong woman is hot. Being a weak woman may get you attention…but it won’t be the right kind of attention.  So lift, or do body weight exercises, or anything. Skinny-fat is the new, well….fat.

 

That said, I did my first workout sans trainer Taylor today– Taylor moved back to Texas, so Rob and I are on our own once more.

This is what I did:

 

15 Min Bike warm-up: increasing resistance

Squats: 3x 10 body weight

Assisted Pull-ups 3×5 at minimum weight required

Static lunges w/ weights: 3x 5 each leg

Squat Press: 3 x 10 (actually, these ended up being regular squats, as it was hurting my back. Something’s wrong with my form, gotta figure it out.)

1-armed rows 3×10 each arm

Step-ups onto bench 3×5 each leg

Deadlifts: 3 x 10

Single Arm dumbbell swing: 3x 10 each arm

Stair Run: 3x up and down

All in all, it took me 45 or 50 minutes, not including the walk to and from the gym.

Here’s what Robert did: Bike.

I’m very sore this morning, but it feels great to know that I can sweat and work hard without Taylor.

Tonight’s going to be a walk around the neighborhood and abs. It should be a run, but until I get new vibrams (as early as tomorrow), I can’t run.

Tomorrow I’ll squeeze in a 10×10 after my couponing class. Robert better join me.

Love(period)

It is a universally accepted fact that it is impossible to be “good” all of the time. It is impossible. Period. Anger, frustration, irritation, and hatred all seep in from time to time. Every one of us is guilty of treating a fellow human being with something less than the full measure of respect that he or she deserves. Every one of us has shouted at a pet or  scared away an animal that wasn’t interfering with us.

Every one of us can– at times– get so swept up in the tide of hatred, of politics, of shouting back and forth that we forget that the other side is, in fact, just as human as we are. Just as deserving of love, and what’s more, craving love and acceptance just as much as we do.

 

We see hatred every day around us.

Road rage.

The Chick-fil-a debates.

The presidential election.

The Trayvon Martin case.

The Aurora shooter.

The Sikh  temple shooter.

 

Everything we experience is framed as an us versus them mentality

Democrat vs. Republican

Christians vs. Non-Christians

Black vs. White

Gay vs. Straight

Americans vs. Non-Americans

Immigrants vs. Citizens

Rich vs. Poor

 

There is so much hate it can be overwhelming at times. No major religion has “hatred” as a major tenant, and yet every major (and minor) religion, at times, has practiced hate. Factions of every  major religion currently practice hatred in some way TODAY.

At the end of the day, what does hate bring us; more hate, death, suffering, guilt, discontent, and a deep spiritual sense that something is wrong.

And so, a proposal. Instead of hate, why not love? Love, period.

Why is it impossible to disagree with your neighbor and yet love him at the same time. Why is it impossible to look at a person who is different and see, instead of something terrifying and unknown, a fellow human being who deserves your respect?

It shouldn’t be impossible, and it isn’t impossible.

The proposal is built on one tenant, and one tenant only: Love.

Love for your fellow man, love for the animals walking on the earth, love for the earth itself.

It is impossible to be good 100% of the time, but imagine how far we could go if we tried.

How did you show your love today?

 

Depression Lies

This is just a reminder to anyone out there who may be suffering from depression, or who may know someone who is: Depression lies. Don’t believe it. Seek help.

If you would like some resources on depression, check out Nami.org.

You are not alone!

A photo-based update

It’s been a few days since I’ve updated, so I figured I would post a few pictures to explain what I’ve been up to.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I “rescued” a little kitten from our back porch and brought her in to try to tame her and find a nice family to adopt her. Anyone interested? Bueller? Bueller?

As you can see, she is freaking adorable. She’s friendly, playful, and curious. She likes to snuggle in bed at night or in the morning, and she gets along pretty well with the other cats.

  Here is a picture of her with Samedi, the youngest of our two adult cats. Since they’re both black it might be a little hard to see, but they’re snuggling together. Eli isn’t a big fan, but he’s kind of grouchy around the youngun’s, so we won’t blame the little kitten.

She’s been to the vet and had her first set of shots, and we will continue to take her in for more shots as she gets older.

She is perfectly healthy, and has had a dose of de-wormer (it is pretty typical for outside cats to have worms). She is also on a multi-type flea, tick, and heartworm medication. She isn’t fixed yet, because she’s not old enough.

As you can see, this sweet little girl needs a loving home. Is anyone interested? We are fostering her for now, but we cannot keep her forever. She deserves a family to live with forever.
What else have we been up to, you ask, other than rescuing kittens and being our normal fantastic selves?

Well, you know me. I’ve been cooking. This is a turkey hash I made with leftover turkey breast and potatoes. I added cheese and an over-easy egg to the top, and voila– a way to make leftovers look like something else! I’ve been studying to take the Colorado bar exam, so my cooking lately has been more along the lines of “make something easy while I’m playing bar review lectures” rather than creative and fun, so I don’t really have a lot to say on that front. For example, tonight we’re having hot dogs.

Tomorrow night we’re having tacos.

Thursday night we’re having leftover hot dogs and tacos.

Friday night we’re having hamburgers.

Getting the idea?

The Saturday after next (July 7) is our five year anniversary. Putting aside the fact that I cannot believe we have been married for five years, the thought of thinking of what to do was exhausting. I didn’t want to do anything, except maybe sleep. Part of the reason is that Saturday July 7 is the day I’m supposed to do a mock-bar exam for my bar review class. That’ll be 6 hours right there of multiple choice questions. I am not looking forward to it. So the thought of getting all dressed up and going out to eat after that is…exhausting.

I’d initially put my husband in charge of the plans, and after we started talking about how exhausted and overwhelmed I was, he came up with a lovely, perfect, brilliant solution: “Let’s go to Good Eats.” Good Eats is a deli, with delicious sandwiches and soups and plastic booths and it was once an Arby’s, I think. Not fancy fixin’s, folks. But that’s a-ok with me. Cheap, quick, minimal stress. That makes me happy.

Do you know what else makes me happy? Soap. For those of you new to my blog, or those of you who pretend to read it and don’t really but are now deciding to have a look, I made soap. Yesterday, I got a huge shipment in of new fragrances, colors, and molds to play with. Here are some of the results.

This soap is fragranced with Oatmeal, Milk, & Honey fragrance from Brambleberry.com. The white soap is a goat’s milk soap, and the clear amber soap is honey soap. There are no artificial colorants in it. I layered it with steel cut oats in a 9″ loaf mold from Brambleberry.

 

Isn’t it lovely? It turned out great, and I couldn’t be more excited. Last night I also made single bars of all of my new fragrances, so if you live near me, give me a shout and I can let you take a look at/smell everything I’ve got!

 

The Last Acceptable Prejudice

“Many women with PCOS eat a healthy diet and exercise religiously, but still have a problem with weight. Obviously, this is not a simple issue of caloric intake and lack of adequate activity. There is something about the way that their bodies process the food and calories that they consume which makes it difficult for them to maintain a healthy weight. This is incredibly frustrating. Some researchers have theorized that this phenomenon is a result of insulin resistance, which is very common in women with PCOS.”

I had to emphasize this quote, because it embodies exactly how I feel on a day-to-day basis.

My doctor stated a year or two ago that I most likely have PCOS, which explained a lot of the symptoms I was having at the time, as well as my elevated fasting blood sugar, and, to a certain extent, my trouble reaching a healthy weight.

I have always felt that there was something wrong with the way my body reacted to calories. I have always felt like there was something fundamentally unfair about the fact that some women can cut out their daily soda and drop 30 pounds, where if I overeat a little bit, it translates into a huge gain.

I’m not trying to make excuses, but I am trying to make two crucial points:

First, if you’re overweight, it isn’t 100% your fault. There are lots of factors that could be working against you to make it hard to lose or maintain. Once you recognize that, you can start working to account for those factors and work with your body. Learn to love who you are, and realize that you are already who you want to be– you already have that capacity to be that lean, fit, toned person you’ve dreamed of your whole life. You are already that person. Keep working at it and realize that although progress may be slow, any progress is a success. Every single pound– every tenth of a pound, for that matter, is a huge success, especially if you’re a person whose body is working against them.

Second, when the average person (and I include myself here) sees an overweight person, they automatically think, “lazy, slob, eats too much, doesn’t care about him/herself, dirty, selfish…” the list goes on and on.  A lot of people have called obesity the “last acceptable prejudice.”

I don’t have a lot of arguments with that phrase. Harriet Brown discusses the stigma in a 2010 New York Times Articlehere.

Is it a problem? Absolutely. I honestly believe that I have been turned down for a job on more than one occasion because of my weight. I honestly believe this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I was turned down for every job I didn’t get because I was overweight, but I do have one or two particular examples in my mind.

I know I’ve been turned down in love because of it, too, which is a shame, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. Because now I have a husband now who loves me, who supports and encourages me, who runs and walks with me and eats healthy meals with me and NEVER EVER EVER calls me fat. Never. Not once. He tells me how great I look now that I’ve lost some weight. He tells me I’m beautiful. He’s always told me I was beautiful, even when I was at my biggest. And I know he honestly believes it.

So I am going to say this, very clearly, right now:  OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT LAZY SIMPLY BY VIRTUE OF BEING OVERWEIGHT. If you want to try to argue to my face that I’m lazy, I’ll point you to the orienteering competitions I’ve been in this past year. I’ll point you to my running schedule, my boot camp, I’ll point you to my registration for a half marathon in October. I’ll show you examples of the many healthy meals I’ve cooked. I’ll point you to my meticulous grocery lists and menus. I’ll out-lift you, out last you, and I’ll try all day long to outrun you. And then I’ll probably slap you. Because everyday is a struggle. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. is an exhausting fight to try to avoid temptation, to stop eating mindlessly, to eat deliberately and healthily and in moderation. Some days it’s a struggle to do the activity I know I should, but every day is a struggle to eat right.

If you are overweight and you’ve got this attitude, stop defeating yourself. Get rid of the attitude that you and other overweight people a’re lazy, useless, stupid, or bound to be unsuccessful. Realize that your weight is–honestly– only a part of who you are. If you want to change it, it is entirely within your power. It may be harder–or a lot harder– for you to do it than someone else. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. It doesn’t mean you’re alone. And it doesn’t mean that you’re worth less than someone else.

If you’re at a healthy weight and have never known the struggle that goes on every day in an overweight person’s mind, the self-hate, the loathing, the depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide and self harm, the guilt, and the cravings that at time can seem overwhelming, GET OVER YOURSELF. You are not better than someone else simply by virtue of being a smaller size. You are not more ambitious, or more active, smarter, more savvy, or even– not necessarily– more healthy  than overweight people. Looking down your nose at them and treating them like something distasteful will only make the problem worse.

Is obesity the last “acceptable” prejudice? I don’t know. But in our society, it is clearly a prejudice, and it is clearly acceptable to most people– including many, many overweight people.

I’ll leave you with this thought. When you see someone whose hair has fallen out from Chemotherapy, who is weak and tired and struggling to fight every day to survive, you wouldn’t ask what they had done to make themselves get cancer. It isn’t done.

Why, then, when you see someone who is obese, who struggles every day to make good choices, to remain positive, to be active, in the face of a society that tells them they’re worth less than thin people, would you ever, ever look down at them? Why make it worse when you can be supportive?

Confession Time (Week 1, Day 4)

Confession Time: I fell of the healthy eating bandwagon, like, super hard. And it hurt. It hurt to the tune of maybe 10 pounds, which is a huge deal and makes me angry. I’ve been doing weight watchers, and now it’s time to actually DO weight watchers instead of just saying I am. SO to help me on my journey, I am making three promises to myself. Only three. More will follow.

(1) Drink a lot of water. At least 6 8oz glasses of water or tea every day. Water helps keep you full and hydrated.

(2) Track everything I eat. Everything. No excuses. Everything. EVERYTHING.

(3) Work out every.single.day. If it’s just 10 minutes, that’s fine. But do it every.single.day.

That’s it, for now. Three simple rules. Drink. Track. Run.

This will be a ten-week plan. At weeks 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, and 10 I will be adding or altering rules. At the end of ten weeks, my goal is to have lost 25 pounds. This is more than 2 lbs a week, and is a hard goal, but I believe that if I can do this correctly I will meet it.

Starting weight: 264.4

Goal Ending Weight: 239.4

I’m starting this at day 4 since my weigh-in days are Sunday.

Does anyone else have a 10-week goal? What about more long-term goals? What do you want to achieve?

On Poetry

And now for something completely off topic!

I used to write poetry. I won’t go so far as to say it was GOOD poetry, but it was poetry nonetheless. It was not the kind of poetry that Eliot wrote, or Pound, or Frost. It was reactionary, angry, happy, sad poetry. Written in haste. Bitter, joyful, nostalgic. Not the sort of thing you’d ever find in an anthology of the greats. Maybe something that a braver person would read at an open mike night, It might garner a few bits of scattered applause. That’s it.

I don’t write poetry anymore. I haven’t in a long, long time. Maybe it was because I moved on, to concern myself with other things. Law school, internships, cooking and (occasionally) cleaning. Whatever the reason, my muse is gone. Sometimes a few shreds of verse come to me, but I don’t really want to write them down. I don’t want to write poetry anymore. I don’t want to stand up and read my poems out loud, or post them for the world to see, or even keep them hidden under the mattress where no one can find them. I don’t want to write poems. But I honestly miss my muse. What happened?